theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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