I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
