You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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