I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
