It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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