Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
