there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I intend to get homeless drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
