she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
