Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
