so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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