I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Come see our sink grown plant.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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