I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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