I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
