everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
