so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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