please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
