also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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