nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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