You're my little dorito
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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