...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
