I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Terrible idea I love it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
