how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
