i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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