Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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