i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
