he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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