I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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