My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
