the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.