she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????