god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize