i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals