he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.