ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.