I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
