Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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