just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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