my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm at about main and main street
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
