Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
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The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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