I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize