i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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