the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
