I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
