Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
