Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
