Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
