She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
