sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
