So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
