Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
