As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
