the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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