Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
soo... how was my night?
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