Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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