you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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