I've blown a few things in my day
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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