I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
