Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
