If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
