Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
