you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
