This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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