i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
