lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
