Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
