I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
