How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
