i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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