why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
