I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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