I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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