I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
