I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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