He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
