I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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