16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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