pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
