forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
