what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
