there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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