There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
