My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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