My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
