speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
