Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
