I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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