Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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