his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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