Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
